Paige Spiranac shares the one thing a guy has to be good at to date her, Tebow plays go-kart soccer & the NFL

Welcome in for another edition of Monday , but this is a special one because for millions of American kids, it's back to school week where order will officially be restored on streets from coast-to-coast as e-bikes go away from 8-3:30.

I want to get today started with a topic that this column OWNED last week –– dorm decorating. Once again, this column, and Screencaps readers were one step ahead of the news cycle. On Saturday, a viral video surfaced of an interior designer showing a college girl the room she'll be living in this year.

Last week, I asked if people are really paying to have dorms rooms designed and decorated. It turns out, it's a big business in SEC country where this one was designed for an Alabama student.

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Contrary to what many are saying, that's not a baby nursery, that's a piece of content created so the college student can post it on social media to compete against her friends. It's disgusting and, as normal, I blame insane suburban moms who have ruined things like travel ball and the first names of millions of boys who will have to go through their lives with names like Kolton, Kommander, Zade & Britton.

Meanwhile, the fathers just go along with this stupidity so they can go to SEC football games in peace and get loaded with their buddies.

Interior designers for dorm rooms...we've lost our damn minds.

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Guys, it's simple: Raise your boys to hit the long ball, complete 24-of-27 passes for 285 and 2 TDs, throw 95 mph, lift 300 pounds, back a Dodge Ram into a parking spot, know how to read a room, have a significant nest egg by 26 and carry 295 with a driver.

At my age, I'm playing lesbian golf most of the time, but I get what Paige is saying here and it should resonate with Real Amer